What A $500 Car Repair Taught Me About Behavior Change
Don't Get Stuck Fixing The Wrong Problem
Takeaway: Most people fail to change their behavior because they diagnose the wrong problem.
Get more insights to shift your thinking:
What A $500 Car Repair Taught Me About Behavior Change
I had been having problems with my car. Anytime it would rain my car wouldn’t start. As you could imagine, this is a bit problematic if my getting to work is dictated entirely by the weather forecast. (I mean, who really wants to leave the house when it’s raining anyways?)
So, like any responsible car owner I took it to the mechanic to get this issue figured out. Admittedly, this wasn’t my first time taking it in for this issue, but in previous attempts they couldn’t figure out what was wrong because the car would start every time. (Ugh, annoying.) This time I dropped it off the night before, and it was pouring all night. “It definitely won’t start for them in the morning!” I thought to myself.
Sure enough, they came back to me that day and told me it wasn’t starting, they had diagnosed the issue, and it was the camshaft sensor thingymajiggy. (Their words, clearly.) The unfortunate part of this conversation is that it would cost me $500 to fix.
(That’s no pocket change and I certainly didn’t feel like spending that much on a stupid car problem. Oh, did I mention I used money I had saved to visit Italy to fix my car?)
So I begrudgingly authorized the repair and got my car back the following day. A few days pass and it rains again. Car gives me trouble and doesn’t want to start. Frustrated at the situation, I did what any self-respecting, conflict-avoidant person would do: I dealt with it.
A few more weeks pass. Not a lot of rain during that time, not too many issues. A few months go by, and I take my car in for a separate issue to a different mechanic. During this repair they notice something, the ignition coil is “arcing.” (Kindly note that I have no idea what this means, and that this is a different issue than mentioned previously.) This issue was noticed while they were replacing a water pump, so the engine was wet. The mechanic asked if I had any trouble starting the car in the rain. “Yes!” I shouted, with an embarrassingly high pitch to my voice.
Well, as it turns out the first mechanic cost me a whopping $500 repair for no reason. He checked my car until he found something wrong that could be the issue, then ceased any further investigation and assumed that was the problem. Had he continued to investigate ALL possible issues, he may have found the actual problem.
My Italy plane ticket, down the drain in vain.
Interestingly, when working with people on their lifestyle changes I see a similar process happen internally. This experience leaves clues as to why so many people struggle to change their behavior, whether it be their exercise habits, or being less of an a**hat.
“I eat too much junk food,” they say. “I just need to stop eating junk food.”
“I’m not being mean, I’m just direct.” Offensive people convince themselves.
The problem is that, while this may be true, there is no attempt to uncover WHY they are eating too much junk food, or WHY they are such an a**hole. Is it environmental? Is it emotional? Is it a poor relationship with food? Is it a coping mechanism? Mommy and daddy issues? These people understand something isn’t right, look to the first (most obvious) perpetrator, and jump to the conclusion that THAT is the thing that needs to be fixed.
They conclude that, “I eat carbs and am overweight. I should stop eating carbs.” Instead of, “I’m not good at planning healthy meals, so I should focus on filling my house with healthy choices to help me make good decisions.”
Or, “Bill was being an idiot, he deserved to be called out.” Instead of, “Bill made a mistake, perhaps I should talk to Bill privately.”
Without a thorough investigation of why this behavior is happening, you won’t be able to correct the actual cause of that specific behavior; and thus, it will likely continue.
You can overcome this “jump the gun” approach to changing your behavior by asking the question, “why?”
Why do you think that is the problem?
Why is this behavior happening?
What situations, contexts, people, or things cause you to engage in that behavior?
In what contexts do you behave differently?
These questions will help you perform a full investigation of the potential causes of the issue so that you can identify the correct one to fix. Only then can you successfully change your behavior, and hopefully do so without wasting $500.