The Anatomy of Motive: The Hidden Reasons Why You Do What You Do
Deep Dive
Takeaway: When you understand a person’s motives, all behavior makes sense.
“When you understand a person’s motives for doing something, all behavior makes sense.”
This is a quote from the book, “The Anatomy of Motive.”
That book was written by John Douglas, one of the founders of the behavioral analyst unit of the FBI—a group of forensic psychologists who apply psychology to help capture the worst criminal offenders.
Although the book is about catching serial killers, it taught me one of the most powerful lessons about being a better coach. (And a better, more compassionate person.)
The statement from Douglas does not mean that understanding behavior excuses harmful choices. When the FBI applies these strategies to understand serial killers, they are not excusing the horrific actions of the perpetrators.
But the statement highlights an important truth…
The Purpose of Behavior
All behavior is performed to gain or attain something.
—> Eating junk food gives you the momentary dopamine rush, even though you want to be healthier.
—> Dulling your personality and acting inauthentic might gain you social acceptance and help avoid rejection, even if it leaves you feeling, bleh.
—> Someone might be loud and obnoxious at a party, not for the sake of being annoying to everyone else, but because they believe people will like them more. (Even if reality is the opposite.)
That is the key.
This statement about understanding is saying you have to look at the behavior through that person’s lens of reality—not your own.
When you develop the ability to look through another person’s lens, you can see why they believe they will gain or attain what they want by performing a certain action.
This is true even if, from a different perspective, they are completely wrong in their assumptions.
As a fitness coach, I know that giving into the quick dopamine rush of a sweet treat will only lead to guilt and shame in someone who desperately wants to be healthier.
However, I also understand why they’d perform this behavior after a stressful day.
I understand that they want to feel better in that moment, and the sweet treat is a much better solution than the sensible salad.
This is where everyone can benefit from a little bit of knowledge in psychology.
Why We Do The Things We Do
There are three core themes that most people strive to accomplish. These include:
—> Belonging/Love/Acceptance
—> Competency
—> Autonomy
Most behavior can be identified as trying to fulfill one of these core categories.
Even striving for power and status—which many put into its own category—could easily be nestled under the competency and/or the acceptance category.
If someone is annoyingly showing off, it’s easy to write that person off as being a conceited jerk. On the other hand, maybe they lack confidence, and showing off a skill is their way of feeling competent about something.
While still annoying, from that perspective they seem like less of a conceited jerk.
Take the person who is desperate to improve their health, but keeps falling into the trap of stress eating after a long day.
Often, this person is trying to follow a diet with some sort of structure and restriction. Then life happens and they get work deadlines, their kids are being menaces, and their spouse is asking them to do numerous tasks around the house.
In this moment, most people begin to feel a loss of control. A loss of autonomy.
Following a diet and restricting their eating now becomes another thing taking away their freedom to choose for themselves. As a result, they decide to indulge in the junk foods that give them immediate pleasure AND boost their sense of autonomy.
Even though the junk food actively takes away from their health goals, it makes perfect sense why they do it.
Breaking their diet gives them a sense of control.
We typically solve this by helping the individual find other ways to feel in control, so that turning to junk food becomes less enticing.
Another example of this wanting to exert control is called revenge bedtime procrastination.
I’m sure you’ve done it before. You’ve had no time to do anything for yourself all day, and even though you’re tired and need to sleep in order to have energy for tomorrow, you stay awake into the late hours watching tv or scrolling social media.
The behavior is clearly counterproductive. Staying awake only hurts you more tomorrow.
When you understand the motive, it’s easier to understand why you’d be drawn to that behavior after a long day of serving others.
Taking Back Control
Seeking to understand the motivations behind your goals, habits, and behaviors is important.
Often, clients who come to me to improve their lifestyle are being driven by bad habits that were developed years—even decades—prior. A lot of our work is about recognizing these behavior patterns and rewiring them to create new patterns.
The first step is to approach the discovery process judgement-free. You’ll be less likely to uncover your true motives if you approach them from a critical eye.
Some other great strategies include:
Journaling: Write about your day. What you did, what you didn’t do, and how it all made you feel in the moment. Journaling has been shown to not only be therapeutic, but also quite helpful in recognizing patterns of thought and behavior.
Self-Questioning: Questions like the ones below can help elicit new insights into your behavior.
What triggered my reaction or behavior in this situation?
How does this behavior align with my values and beliefs?
What underlying emotions am I experiencing right now?
What patterns do I notice in my behavior across different situations?
What steps can I take to change this behavior if it's not serving me well?
Get Feedback: Receiving feedback from an outside, trusted source can help you see through the emotions that could cloud your judgement.
Trusted friends and family can help you notice behavior patterns that you might not see in yourself.
A coach can help you draw connections between the mismatch in your stated desires and your behavior.
A mental health professional can help you uncover and work through past experiences and trauma that might be influencing your behavior today.
A combination of strategies is likely the best way to identify the hidden motives driving your behavior. (But this is a good place to start.)
Uncovering Hidden Motives
Recognizing the motives for your own behavior is the secret to having the power to change it.
You’ll reach your goals faster and more effectively when you understand your triggers and reactions, and have a sound game plan for what to do next.
Recognizing the patterns and motives of others can help you be a more compassionate person.
Even if someone has done you wrong, it’s easier to humanize someone when you empathize with their hardships.
When combined, these skills will put you among an elite few who more readily achieve their goals and bring a different energy when they enter a room.
P.S. Get your detective hat on!
Want additional support to uncover hidden patterns? Click here to schedule your free discovery call with an A-Team Coach.