The Abolition of Small Talk
Mindset Monday
Takeaway: People want to have meaningful conversations, even with a stranger. They just need an invitation. The difference between a conversation of small talk and one of substance is asking different questions.
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If I took a poll among readers right now, I’d wager the overwhelming majority would vote to abolish small talk for good.
There’s a deep hatred for it.
The definition of small talk is conversation about unimportant or trivial matters, especially at social functions. It’s a polite way to fill time while you try to plan your escape.
Yet, most people love good, engaging conversation. That’s the stuff that can leave a lasting impression and craft unforgettable relationships.
The difference between a conversation of small talk and one of substance is asking different questions.
There’s no rule that states that you can’t have meaningful conversations in the same situations which are often wrought with small talk. If everyone hates small talk, and everyone loves meaningful discussions, it stands to reason that what people need is an invitation.
Katrina and I attended a wedding recently for one of her coworkers. I didn’t know anyone there except for Katrina. She didn’t know more than a handful of people at our table. The gentleman next to me had started with typical small talk—what do you do for work?
I explained to him about A-Team Fitness and online coaching. He explained he was a pharmacist. The conversation could have ended there. We checked all the boxes for polite small talk.
Instead I asked, “Do you like it?”
He explained he became a pharmacist in part for the stability and in part to appease his parents. His true passion was Brazilian jiu-jitsu. He had dreams of starting a gym one day. I asked him why he hadn’t done it yet.
We spent the next forty-five minutes engaged in deep, meaningful conversation.
We talked about what we were passionate about. We talked about fears we had about taking risks. We talked about mindset and different perspectives. He shared his experience growing up in a family that had just immigrated to the United States, and how that shaped his perceptions of following his passions.
People want to have meaningful conversations, even with a stranger. They just need an invitation.
Here’s to more meaningful conversations,
~ Coach Alex
P.S. The final part of the “how to have better conversations” series will publish on Wednesday. Stay tuned.