Takeaway: We can find metaphors for life in unexpected places. Here are a few insights from salsa dancing about living life well.
How can we live life well?
It’s a question as old as humanity itself.
For nearly the past 20 years, I’ve made it my personal mission to discover how to live the “best” life. At least, as I define it.
Throughout this practice, I’ve developed a unique ability to pull life lessons from the experiences of everyday life. (Hence the title of this newsletter, Meaningfully Mundane.)
Many of my long-time readers know I’ve been learning how to dance salsa and bachata for the past few years.
When I moved to New Jersey, I discovered a group locally that met for dance socials throughout the week. I started to attend and became hooked. Quickly I became a regular presence and familiar face.
After four months, that led to an opportunity to assist the instructor in teaching one of her classes.
I have a personal life rule that when faced with a decision with no clear downside either way, I choose based on which option makes for the better story.
I’m no dance instructor, but she needed the help and it makes for a hell of a better story.
I also know, selfishly, that the best way to learn is to teach. It provides an opportunity for me to become a better dancer.
After a few classes I’ve definitely been challenged! I’ve also made some new discoveries on the crossover between social dancing and living life. I’ve distilled a few of these insights and want to share them with you here:
1. Everyone is making it up as they go.
Social dancing as no choreography. Each dance is unique, being created right there as the melody unfolds. As the leader, it’s your job to decide, in the moment, what to do next.
It’s easy as a beginner to assume the experienced dancers just “know” what to do. Experience gives them an advantage, sure, but in the end they are making it up as they go.
It’s easy to see people in life who are successful and assume they have all the answers. Experience gives them an advantage, but in the end they are making it up like the rest of us.
Don’t think you can’t achieve success just because you don’t have all the answers right now.
2. There are an infinite numbers of ways to get it right.
There is no single way to win at the game of life. We each have to decide what the rules are and what it means to score.
In teaching a combination that required a quick spin, the grip on my shoes prevented me from getting back into position in time before my partner had to move.
But there is no rule that says I couldn’t take extra time to get into the correct position. So I did. It still looked good and onlookers might’ve thought it was on purpose.
Don’t box yourself into narrowly defined parameters arbitrarily.
3. The only way to lose is to stop.
For that same combination above, students in the class struggled too. Many would completely stop moving after their mistake, halting the dance completely.
The only rule in social dancing is, don’t stop. If you get off beat, or mess up a combination, you can always alter your steps and movements to get back to the basics and back on beat.
Often, no one will notice your mistakes when you do this.
But if you stop moving, everyone knows you messed up and the dance can’t continue.
No matter what mistakes you make in life, don’t stop trying. Don’t stop moving.
4. You can’t succeed alone.
Social dancing is about connection to your partner. The best dances are those in which both people are connected, present, and trusting of one another.
You can’t succeed at social dancing alone, just as you can’t succeed in life alone.
It takes a village. A community.
You should be as intent on finding your tribe as you are at chasing your individual goals.
5. You learn best by doing.
I can watch dancing videos on TikTok for hours, but there is no replacement for getting out on the dance floor and doing the dang thing.
Learning new information is important, but don’t fall into the trap of learning-as-procrastination.
The new knowledge is meaningless unless put into practice. Get out there and take action.
Do the thing.
6. Having fun makes the experience better.
The best compliment I can receive is not that I’m a great dancer…
It’s that I’m a fun dancer.
Having fun makes it easier to learn, to explore, to experiment.
When you’re having fun you’re more likely to remember what you learned and to stay consistent in the behaviors that lead to your success.
Find ways to inject more fun into the process.
Take these lessons and realize that no one has it all figured out. Not even the most successful among us.
Embrace this open-ended-ness.
It can either be paralyzing, the weight of your future on your shoulders. Or it can be liberating, releasing the shackles of perfection.
Your choice.
~ Coach Alex
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