Reducing Overwhelm & Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Article Round-Up: 12.17.23
Enjoy this week’s curated list of articles, podcasts, and more from the web to help you live a healthier, happier life.
Featured Thoughts - Reducing Overwhelm
The Way To Reduce Overwhelm That Nobody Thinks Of
Takeaway: This tip wasn’t even part of the original article (about navigating disagreements in relationships—also worth reading). However, this tip for dealing with overwhelm seemed so relevant given the time of year and is one that I see so many people miss.
As the author shares, when we try to solve overwhelm we often default to considering what we should do differently.
This usually involves adding something else to our plate.
Adding additional items to the list is not the best way to stop being overwhelmed.
Instead, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, begin to think about what you can subtract from the list.
This can be hard. One study found that, “the tendency to overlook the option to subtract grows even stronger when we are overwhelmed.”
This means you’ll have to force yourself to stop, pause, and reflect on what’s unfolding in front of you. Here’s what subtraction could look like:
> One comment on the article mentioned skipping holiday cards this year. It may seem silly, but it made the commenter feel significantly better.
> Subtraction could involve eliminating tasks/activities that won’t make much of a difference in our lives.
> This can also take the shape of subtracting things you may actually want to do, but has become too much. Your 16th holiday party, although fun, might make you feel more relaxed to skip.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, think about what you can eliminate.
Published This Week:
8 Lessons I Learned While Traveling Alone In Europe
Takeaway: A year ago I embarked on my first solo trip abroad. To say it was life changing would be an understatement.
In this article, reshared from it’s original posting date last year, I provide some extra context into the circumstances of my travel and the importance of the lessons I brought back with me.
Just For Fun:
The Birthplace of Famous U.S. Cocktails
Takeaway: If you share an interest in cocktails, this is a pretty neat map showing the birthplace of famous drinks around the country.
Random tidbit—My go-to cocktail for social events is a boulevardier. (Imagine a negroni, but swap the gin with bourbon. And yes, this is often how it sounds to order it.)
Reader Question:
I just don’t get it. I can be doing well and seeing progress, but then I start relaxing around my diet and going out more. I still think I’m eating healthy, but all the weight comes back. Why can’t I stick with it?
Let’s talk about self-sabotage.
It’s common for people to find themselves backsliding at just the moment when they are doing their best.
Self-sabotage is when people do (or don’t do) things that prevent their success toward a goal.
In this context, self-sabotage often takes the form of skipped workouts and more junk food.
Why does self-sabotage happen?
Often, it stems from fear.
And you might automatically jump to assuming this is a fear of failure. In reality, it’s more likely a fear of success.
Here’s why:
When we fail at making changes to our life, the result is being left where we started. While that might not be a great place to be, it is a familiar place to be.
Familiarity breeds comfort. Sometimes, our comfort zone is being in a place that doesn’t make us happy. We will often choose comfort over happiness.
When you succeed at a goal, especially one involving lifestyle changes, you are stepping into a new way of being. This “new life” is still unfamiliar and unknown.
You may think to yourself, “can I live up to these new expectations and normal ways of being?”
Sometimes those new expectations are f*ckin’ scary.
And once that fear steps into the picture, our (often subconscious) reaction is to retreat back to our comfort zone.
Now we start to skip workouts or revert to old eating habits because those things feel familiar. Those self-sabotaging behaviors prevent our entering the new life that we’re afraid of.
If this is you, here’s what you can do to overcome self-sabotage. It is a five step process:
What is the trigger?
What is the behavior?
What is the belief?
What is the new story?
What is the new plan?
What’s The Trigger?
What is triggering the self-sabotaging behaviors? Get as specific as you can. Take a moment to reflect.
Was it a comment made by someone that caused doubt? Is it a story you’ve created in your head about what comes next?
You can’t prevent self-sabotage until you know what triggers it in your life. Start here.
What’s The Behavior?
What action are you taking that is self-sabotaging?
Ordering more takeout? Skipping the gym? An uptick in negative self-talk?
Whatever the specific action is that’s holding you back, identify and name it.
You can’t stop doing what you don’t know you’re doing.
What’s The Belief?
Our actions are seldom triggered by events. They are triggered by our beliefs about an event. the story we write for ourselves to make sense of what we’re experiencing.
This story results in a belief, and that belief drives what we do next.
For example, imagine you’re at a restaurant with friends. You’re participating but choose to order a healthier entree. A friend comments that you’re no fun anymore because of your “healthy diet.” This comment triggers you into an uncomfortable emotional reaction.
The belief your brain interprets is, “in order to be healthy I can’t have fun.”
This belief might scare you, as you imagine a joy-less future full of vegetables and bland foods.
The resulting behavior is that you wave down the waiter to change your order to the unhealthier entree that blows up your nutrition for the day.
Our beliefs drive our actions. If your actions don’t align with your goals, start to consider what beliefs you’re being driven by.
What’s The New Story?
Once you’ve identified the trigger, belief, and sabotaging behavior, now it’s time to turn the tides.
What new story can you write about the events to realign your beliefs?
In using the example above, here’s what you could do differently:
Instead of imaging a joy-less future, think about what actually brings you joy. Sitting with your friends telling stories, laughing, and connecting are what truly bring you joy.
The food in front of you is inconsequential.
When you shift to this new story, you become less concerned about what you ordered because now you get to experience joy AND stick to the actions that align with your goals.
What’s The New Plan?
Once you’ve address the self-sabotaging behavior and the beliefs that lead to it, and have developed an alternative perspective, now it’s time to make a new plan of action.
What can you do to avoid these self-sabotaging behaviors?
Does it involve having a better plan to address the challenges?
Does it involve recruiting a friend or coach to help keep you accountable?
Creating a plan gives you more clarity to what needs to be done to continue seeing results. Without a plan, there’s too much room for ambiguity. Ambiguity opens the door for self-doubt.
Self-doubt has no place in your new life.
Hope this has been helpful,
~ Coach Alex
P.S. 2024 is just around the corner. If you’re planning to make healthy lifestyle changes in the New Year, click the button to book a risk-free call so we can help you have more clarity to reach your goals.