Not all friendships are created equal. Here’s how I see it.
The Friendship Formula
The other day, I was riding in the car with two friends when one of them asked a deceptively simple question:
"How do you tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?"
The other person didn’t hesitate.
“Friendship means a lot to me,” she said. "I don’t have a lot of friends, because I invest deeply—and I expect the same in return.”
She wasn’t wrong. But she also reminded me of something important:
We don’t all define friendship the same way.
Some people treat the word “friend” like a sacred title—something earned slowly, given to only a trusted few.
Others (like me) see friendship as a spectrum. Not everyone has to be a best friend to matter.
I have friends I call when I need advice, others I meet at the gym, and a few I can talk to about literally anything.
That’s why I started thinking about friendships in terms of three dimensions:
🔹 Depth — how close we are
🔹 Purpose — what function this friendship serves in my life (and why it exists)
🔹 Emotional Role — how emotionally invested we are
Here’s a glimpse at the framework I use:
Depth:
Acquaintance
Casual Friend
Close Friend
Best Friend
Purpose:
Situational
Activity-Based
Work
Childhood
Digital/Online
Emotional Role:
Confidant
Transactional
Inspirational
Toxic
When you look at friendship this way, you stop asking, “Is this person a real friend?” and start asking, “What kind of friend are they, and where do they fit in my life?”
This is just one snippet of what’s coming in the book. Can’t wait to share more with you soon.
— Alex McBrairty
P.S. Join the waitlist for the Friendship Formula book by clicking below and I’ll send you my guide for never having an awkward conversation again!