How To Call Someone Out Without Being a D*ck
Mindset Monday
Takeaway: Sharing an email with you that I received (from another newsletter I subscribe to) about the differences between conflict and drama. Subscribe to the Wee Bit Wiser newsletter here.
From Jordan Harbinger:
It’s tempting to think that standing up to someone — or standing up for yourself — means signing up for a fight.
It doesn’t.
You can argue without fighting.
You can call someone out without creating drama.
You can stand up for yourself without defending yourself.
IF you’re willing to embrace a few basic ideas.
1. Let the facts do the work.
If the facts are on your side, you rarely need to escalate.
We usually end up fighting when we need to advocate for ideas we aren’t totally sure of.
Lead with the facts — why you believe you’re right, where you feel wronged, what needs to change — rather than dressing them up with aggression.
Being emotional about a conflict is fair. I’m not telling you to be a robot.
And emotions are relevant facts, too.
But it’s important to share them in that spirit, rather than leading with them.
2. Focus on being understood rather than being right.
Being 100% right is a fantasy.
It’s also not the point of productive conflict.
Winning doesn’t always mean proving your point, or getting the other person to concede.
Winning means helping the other person understand you better. And working to understand them better.
If you want to “win” your fights, place your empathy, curiosity and vulnerability above your need to be validated.
3. Commit to conflict, not drama.
Conflict is discussing an injury or disagreement with thoughtfulness and care, in a way that leads to better insight and a stronger relationship.
Drama is attacking a person’s character, engaging in psychological games, and indulging volatile emotions, in a way that’s designed to “win” or create some perverse pleasure.
Conflict is about finding harmony and healing in difference.
Drama is about playing out patterns and dragging conflict out.
Conflict is about resolution.
Drama is about pain.
If you want to argue productively, lean into conflict and resist drama.
Something to consider this week.
~ Coach Alex
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